Maa da laadla bigad gaya??

A blog by Samyak Shah

How many of us have been on the receiving end of our mom’s taunts? Don’t we just hate it when we have to hear earful from our mothers for doing something that we liked, but unfortunately that activity didn’t align well with our mothers.

What the problem of parents is that they want to give us the freedom of living our lives as we wish, but then, we all know the side effects of unsupervised freedom and if you are in your pre-teen years, or you’re a teenager or a young adult, then you’ll know that the struggle to stay quiet and listen to their side. Moms aren’t wrong on their side because they always want us protected; the place where it exceeds is when they start to behave like a dictator around us.  

I have many female friends whose mothers don’t easily allow them to go to a guy friend’s house, and for that, mothers are capable of coming up with any gory story and absurd logic (though if we go to an extreme extent with their logic, then it seems plausible). I don’t hate the mothers who have these sort of rules imposed on their children, it’s the way the rule is being treated which is the problem. 

Whenever I call one of my female friends who fall under this category, I automatically visualize her being tied by a leash toh the staircase support or the main door (because for protecting, moms can go to any extent. Maybe that’s why choker fashion is back as it works as a great attachment for a leash).

I understand the concern that moms have, of their daughters going to a guy’s place. My mom has personally explained all the things I need to see when any of my female friends are over because one wrong step, one wrong interpretation and one miscommunication and I’m the one who’ll be getting screwed by both sets of parents alike and (in extreme cases) cops as well.

So, to ensure that no other child gets angry on their mother for scolding them and that no mother overthinks everything and not everyone falls into the category of the bad child or as I affectionately like to call it “Maa da laadla bigad gaya”, I have taken the liberty to mention a few pointers for having a safe future.

This one’s for the kids:

1. Trust your parents when they tell you that they’re saying from personal experience, because it might be a white lie, but remember: EXPERIENCE TRUMPS INTELLIGENCE

2. Parents possess a seventh sense which identifies bullshit from miles away; make sure to believe them when they tell you to stay away from someone. TRUST GOES A LONG WAY

3. Their intentions are not bad, but unfortunately, not all parents are comfortable in calling a spade a spade. What I mean is; that not all parents are comfortable enough to talk to you in a direct manner, so they use your friend’s and all your life events as a practical example to explain their point. INTENTIONS AREN’T WRONG, THE METHOD OF EXPLAINING IS

4. Your friends whom you value so much may or may not be with you in your worst time, but your parents were, are and will be. FRIEND has ‘END’, but PARENT doesn’t

5. When parents inform you about the result of being with someone or doing something, believe me, they are way ahead of you. If you are on move number 2, they’ll already be on move number 13. Parents always analyze all sorts of aspects, triggers, responses, counter-responses, future consequences, financial aid requirements etc. when they tell you to stay away from someone. IT IS NOT THAT THEY DON’T TRUST YOU, IT’S THE OTHER ASSES WHO YOUR PARENTS HAVE FIGURED OUT

This one’s for the parents:

1. Your planning is accurate and you’ve put in your personal past experiences, but with a new generation, comes a new perspective and a new way of dealing with the same situation. DON’T IMPOSE PERSPECTIVE, ATTEMPT TO ENCULCATE NEW USEFUL ONES

2. The child, who you think is stupid, is certainly not. You may have shied away from educating them, but their friends haven’t and believe me, a little bit of bad influence is not bad for them because and I quote almost every parents’ dialogue “The world isn’t going to pamper you”. So, if you’ve said it, how about you decide to implement it, because there is a popular saying that supports it: IT IS BETTER TO BE A WARRIOR IN A GARDEN, THAN TO BE A GARDENER IN A WAR.

3. Pamper the child when needed. Over or Under pampering can shape the child very badly and can cause the rise of inferiority complex and self opposing views and self contradictory personality. There is an age for experiencing everything, so hold your horses for a moment and let the child live the moment while it has a meaning because recreating a lost moment is possibly the hardest and the worst thing you can do to someone who you’ve deprived off of the right age for the right thing. RIGHT TIME, RIGHT AGE, RIGHT ACT.

4. All children are different, so if you’re scolding your child for not scoring like how your acquaintances child scored, then maybe you shouldn’t be stopping them from doing something just because some kid of the same age did it. If you realise that your child is different and you trust that he/she cannot do that, then how about you go one step ahead and let your child believe that you’re not against them for doing something, but you’re against the fact that there is possibility that something might go wrong. IT IS NOT OUR ACTION THAT IS WRONG, IT IS OUR REACTION THAT IS  

Do not forget: TRUST IS A TWO WAY STREET

If you feel that your parents don’t trust you, maybe it is because you don’t trust them. Reciprocation is important in communication, especially in a sensitive component like family in everyone’s life.

Is TIME the answer?

A story by Samyak Shah

Whenever faced with a problem, wherein you're unable to find a solution at the moment, people often tell you that you need to 'give it time' and 'time will solve everything'. That somehow even made sense because acceptance of a particular situation takes time. What I do not understand is that why is there a need for a lot of time to get everything back to normal? I agree that it looks like I am the one who is a bit impatient, but then again, if everyone is saying that 'time is running out' then how do you explain the paradox of 'give it time'?

My brother explained it to me that there are some things which he is able to do at the age of 25 which I am able to do at the age of 19, while there are somethings which I am not able to do at 19 which he was doing at 19. Basically, what he meant was that everyone has a different learning ability curve, so it takes different time for every single individual to grasp the concepts that are going to be applied in the outside world. I asked him the same thing which I've asked to a lot of other people: When am I going to learn to behave the way in which you do because everyone takes you seriously and everyone wants to listen to you? and he replied with just one statement: It is going to take time bro. Enjoy life and it will teach you with time.

What he didn't see when I asked this question is the desperation of my attempt to be the normal 19 year old boy who does want to live how the other 19 year old guys live. I also desire to be that same cocky guy who can get his way with everything because of his persuasion abilities. But then, I am reminded that every individual is different and so am I.

So, I asked him straightaway: Why is it that I always have to give it time to improve? Why do I have to learn about how I'm supposed to behave with different people differently? 

He again answered in one statement: In today's world, your network is your net worth. 
He further went on to explain: "See, right now, you are smarter than you were at the age of 12. You have grown, why? because after turning 12, you moved around a lot, you won a few competitions, you learnt what it is like to have very small friend circle and how important it is to have a strong network or friends. You may not have a lot, but you know the worth of your friendship. There was a time when money and back account mattered the most, but now is time when you focus on building a network of people, who you know are going to help you come out situations and vice versa. Having close friends and friend circle is good, but you also need to have a network that has people who are willing to pull all sorts of strings if anyone from the circle is in trouble. You need to find someone who's willing to help you in situations where you feel that one person isn't enough. and vice versa. Today, I can say that I have a lot of friends, but then if you ask me how many are the sort of people who are willing to stand by you when the world is not? I'd still have a few names who will because we have a mutual understanding and we believe in the other person."


"If we just had to accept the fate and sit, then there would have been no chances given to us for improvement. Learn to accept and move on as quick as you can, time is running out. You may give it all the time needed, but if you're unable to move ahead even after devoting lot of time, it is time we go back to the basics and see where we went wrong. It is not wrong to be wrong, it is wrong to not correct it. You'll learn everything, but there is no fixed time when. It may happen that you wouldn't have learnt a certain thing because that event would've never occurred in your life till now, but wait for it to happen, meanwhile, focus on applying what you have learnt, maybe the next learning is waiting for you at the end of the next mistake."

Pehli Udaan

A story by Samyak Shah

The title loosely translates to “First flight”. A metaphorical indicator of new opportunities taking you to new heights, taking you to new destinations from the roads not explored. What prompted me to write this one is because of an anecdote my father shared with me recently. He is a frequent flyer and honestly speaking, when you do one activity for a long time, you’re bound to get bored. This is what the situation is with him because he has been doing this to and fro in aircrafts for almost 5 years now. And he has many amazing stories and incidents to share [if asked].

Today, he narrated an incident which took me back to the time to 2008 when I visited Mumbai for going through admission processes in many schools. That was the first time I sat in an aircraft and my excitement knew no bounds. Who isn’t excited about the fact that a carefully put together construction of a steel cage can lift you above thousands of feet in air and make you experience an ear blinding time. I was never the naughty or the mischievous child, but I sure was one for the airport security, because I decided to break the security check for seeing whether the washrooms in the airport were similar to the ones they showed in movies. YES. 2-3 ground level security personnel chased me on the washroom entrance. Ah what a first flight it was. The excitement the experience holds, waiting for the cage to lift you up from the ground, as your face gets stuck on the little rounded rectangle window as we slowly take off.

My dad booked an alpha or A seat [which is a window seat, for the ones who don’t know] and next to him, sat a girl who was around my age [17-19 years] and this was her first time sitting in a flight. Unfortunately, she was separated from her father as he sat on a beta or B seat in a seat number behind her. She constantly kept looking back from the left and the right, excitedly asking whether he saw how the flight was swiftly moving with those little radium flashy lights leaving them. This was the first flight for both of them, and honestly I understood how excited a person is experiencing something that is still considered to be some sort of a luxury service.

“She constantly kept looking behind to her father, then tried to look outside the window to see if there was anything worth seeing” my dad said, laughing lightly on the innocence of the girl “I was a bit agitated by a half an hour, so I asked her once I got an opportunity whether this was her first time sitting in an airplane, to which she gleefully replied a big, smiling YES”. The flight duration was around an hour and half. Dad checked how much travel time was remaining. When the pilot announced that the flight was right on time and within 20 minutes, he just got up from his seat and asked the girl whether she wanted to sit on the window seat, and like an innocent child, her eyes widened and she requested if that was possible, to which he smilingly nodded and what seemed like a golden moment came into her life as she shifted to the alpha seat.

“Till the time the flight reached the airport and the bus assembled on the ground, the girl didn’t move her eyes from the window, capturing every moment of this experience. We don’t exactly value this mode of transport because we’ve gotten used to it, but you will never understand how amazing it felt to see her smiling from ear to ear, breaking into little fits of giggles as she saw the flight have a touchdown on the runway. I’ll never forget how amazing it felt when her father thanked me on her behalf for allowing her to exchange seats”.

I have no clue who that girl is or what her name is, all I want to tell you is that may your life enrich you with more such amazing experiences and may you get people like my father who allow you to enjoy those moments to the fullest. This was her first flight, her pehli udaan and no matter how clichéd it may sound, but as I heard this tale and I decided to pen this down, I had light tears emerging because kindness is possibly the best thing you can gift someone.

  

 

The dog needs to die

A deleted excerpt from 

Life - Phase One by Samyak Shah 

So, I guess that we all have heard of a quote that relates to the elephant and the dog. For the ones who haven't, I'll just write it down for them: 

"You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks" 

- Winston Churchill 

I am a firm believer of this quote because I have personally seen the power that ignorance holds. The thing that this quote tells us, is that we need to stop focusing on everything and everyone who is trying to bring us down on our journey to achieve what we aimed for. We need to stop paying heed to the people who have nothing better to do in life then to criticize us on our every move. 

The reason why I believe in this quote is because I have been living my life the way my heart has been telling me to (you know how they show in movies that a person's life changes when they start doing what their heart is telling them to do, YEAH, that is pretty much what my life is up to nowadays). So, whatever it is that I do, I put my heart into it and see whether it makes me happy or not, I make sure that there is no shortcoming of efforts being put into a task. What the world seems to lack is the appreciation for somebody living to the fullest. 

Another quote fits here: "People want you to do good in life, but not better than them". 

A lot of people around me keep asking me: Why do you suddenly break into a little fit of giggles? Why do sit like this? Why do you not censor or manage what you say? 

Because, guess what: I have shed my previous inhibitions and I don't give a flying rat's ass if the other person doesn't seem pleased by my reply. He asked for a reply, not a pleasing statement. 

The point of the above paragraphs is that I have stopped focusing on the dogs that keep on barking because I know that the dogs that bark, do not have the capacity of biting, hell, they don't even have the capacity to come near me. 

But there still is a flipside to the story. 

The quote by Winston Churchill is great, is inspiring, but it still lacks the aspect that we as humans live for. 

What I want you all to take as a learning outcome from here is that you don't need to focus on the dogs that keep on barking, you don't need to stop and throw stones at the dogs that bark, because this is just going to deviate you from reaching your goals. 

The dogs are a representation of the various aspects in our life that can hold us down from achieving what we want, the dogs show what we or the world doesn't approve of which we need to ignore. 

What I am saying is that there are some dogs which are going to bark throughout your entire life, these are the representations that are going to trouble you everywhere and every stage of your life alike.  

What to do: 

Do not focus on them until you've reached the finish line and completed your task/goal. Take that dog and crush it under your elephant feet. If you're seen as an elephant, then make use of that metaphor and crush those goddamn dogs. Use some of your power. 

I am not saying that just after completing one task you start trampling those dogs or those aspects, but one by one, this way you have the added motivation of breaking the set norms and stereotypes which have the power of bringing down people after you're long gone. Help the ones behind you. They might see this gesture of yours as an inspiration and who knows when this might start becoming a trend. 

Not only will this start a chain of positive action, but it will prove that a little negative action along the path doesn't affect your way of achieving. 

We all are chanting the mantra of "Breaking the stereotypes", so guess what, let's make trampling of those aspects a trend as well. 

#BreakTheStereotype

There are some dogs that need to be eliminated. Some aspects that need to be out of our system and world. So, if we're christened as elephants, let's show them what damage and good are the elephants capable of. 

The most common dogs or aspects that will trouble you (and which need to be necessarily eliminated) include: 

1. Personal insecurities (can range from anything to anything)  

2. The need to be a part of a particular social groups (which involves throwing away your true self and taking up a personality which the social groups approve of)

3. Public shaming and lynching 

4. LOG KYA KAHENGE (What will the people say?/What will the society say?)

These and many more. They are the ones that I find that are common for us at every stage in life. Find out what's yours

Izzat karo

A poem by Samyak Shah

Bura unko mat bolo, 

kyunki tang tum aa gaye they 

Bura unke baare mein mat bolo,

kyunki tumhaare nakhre unhone bhi uthaaye they 

Izzat karlo unki jinko tumne chhoda hai, 

kyunki unki kuch baat tumhe sata rahi thi 

Izzat dedo unko bhi jo tumhe chhod ke gaye, 

kyunki khaas baat kuch tum mein bhi thi jo unko sata rahi thi 

Chahe jisne bhi juda hone ka elaan kiya, nuksaan isme kisi ka na hua 

Kyunki jeetey toh tum dono ek dusre ke bina bhi they,

Dukh sirf iss baat ka tha ki jab saath they tum tab ainvayi "JAAN BHI DE DENGE" bola karte they 

This poem is a shoutout to all the boyfriends and girlfriends who decided to hurl abuses and insult each other after breaking up. (involves calling names as well) 

This poem is a shoutout to all the people who (in the pursuit of becoming popular amongst their friend's circle) disrespected the other person's freedom and peace of life.  

This poem is a shoutout to all the couples who (despite deciding to break up mutually) blamed the other person for everything that had happened. 

Relationships and intimate affairs are a part and parcel of life, some work out and some don't, but this doesn't simply mean that people go on insulting the same person who they had proposed to just some time ago. 

I, myself, have just passed this phase where I had a fallout with a friend of mine, who I considered very close to me (for whatever little time we were together, or that's what I thought). I realised that feelings and respect were not being reciprocated from her side, and I decided that very moment, I am not going to put up with this. 

I broke off all ties with her, and there came a point where I literally wanted to hurl the worst of insults on her face, that's when my bestfriend came to the rescue and told me, that if she respected your decision of parting ways with you, maybe you should not disrespect it. I had never hurled abuses at any woman in these 18 years of my life, when I told this to him, he straightaway said and I quote  

"Good for you. If you haven't hurled abuses at any woman till now, do not let her become an exception. Let this little legacy of yours live for a longer period". 

That moment is when I thought that I should be respectful and thoughtful of all the decisions I've made till now that concerned and involved her. 

A stronger bond

A stronger bond 

                                                               A poem by Samyak Shah 

Like fevicol the glue,

The mission is too simple to be true.

I crave for a stronger bond,

Like the fishes have with the pond.

Sometimes your anger showers like a cavalry,

The love we have for each other seems like our rivalry.

A smile on your face is like a million dollars to me,

Although it costs but still to me it seems to be free.  

Stay with me like the sun and the moon,

I don’t really appreciate the people who leave too soon.

If  you say that I am the reason for your smile,

Then I wouldn’t mind going the extra mile.

Please be with me, you’re my inspiration

You are my oxygen, because I need you for respiration.