Isolation

"Hey, who's that guy sitting over there?"

"Oh, he's that one socially awkward guy you find at every party"

"Yeah, I get it that he's socially awkward, but why is he sitting alone?"

"Are you even listening to yourself? You're repeating one and the same thing" he lets out a laugh

"First of all, these are two different things because being socially awkward does not have to mean that the person is alone, I mean, he has to have someone who he knows, right?"

"Woah, woah, woah... You're not actually thinking of going and talking to him, are you?" he asks, offence visible in his tone

"What's the harm? He doesn't look like he'll bite me or anything, so why not?"

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"Hi" she says, approaching the guy sitting in the corner

"Uh... Hello" he replies hesitantly

"Don't worry, I'm not here to eat you" she tries cracking a small joke, to ease him up

"Ma'am, I don't mean to offend you, but may I ask why you came to talk to me?" he asks, almost scared

"Because I saw you sitting here without company, and thought you will appreciate some company"

"That's very considerate of you, ma'am. However, I must warn you first up, you shouldn't stay too long with me, if a lot of people notice you, you may get into trouble"

"What trouble?"

"Isolation."

"What? What isolation?"

"The whole idea of grouping people based on their interests and excluding the ones who don't have the same interest as you. I mean, I know that humans need groups to survive and show the world how sociable they are, but what is happening to me is not what anybody ever addresses."

"Oh, you mean to say that you're the odd one out in all groups, huh?"

"Yes"

"Oh you silly little man" she lets out a little laugh "Come with me, just for a second and if you still don't get along with the people here, then come back and sit down again, just the way you previously did, alright?"

"It seems okay I guess"

"By the way, my name is Neeti, and yours?"

"Abhay"

"For a person whose name translates literally as fearless, you do seem to be stuck in contradictions" she says, cracking another small joke.

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Wind

It's always forceful, strong, direction based.
It tells us whether it is time to 'up' or 'down'.

It's disgusting if it 'breaks'. 
The problem, of the people who clean the house.
The problem, when it mixes with the temperature of the area.
Ah, the wind.


- Why can't it be sensible?
- Why can't it decide a specific time for its arrival and departure?
- Why doesn't it have a speedometer so we can detect its speed and cruise control setting like cars to let us know its maximum threshold & strength?
- Why can't there be a minimum height level to it, wherein it hits only us and not the house dirt we just finished sweeping?
Ah, the wind.


Nature's way of healing.
A sign of the atmosphere's strength.
An important aspect of the desert.
An enemy of open-kept hair.
Ah, the wind.

(flawed) Rumination

- Everything boils down to "I am not a bad human being. The ones who I've caused harm, may (and they do) believe that I am, but I'm much more than those moments where I screwed up. But, now I'm forever stuck in a loop of trying to prove my innocence to the world, even though nobody doubted me, but because of those moments where I made the mistake, I feel that I need to overcompensate for it in every single waking moment of my life by making life harder than it should be, while fully knowing that this all can be ended, but only if I was able to break free from the cycle. But, because of what I've been taught, forgiving myself is not up to me when/after I've harmed someone, so now I have to sit through and wait for the person I've harmed to forgive me and allow me to move on with my life, while knowing deep down that because I've harmed them, they'd never forgive me, and hence I'm stuck here; forever". Our culture does not promote forgiveness or apologizing because it promotes constant nags, personal attacks, taunts which demotivates even the purest of souls into believing that not apologizing and finding the other person's fault is the way to go every time.

- Learning without failing has nothing to do with perfection, arrogance or stubbornness. We regret making mistakes for the hurt it causes, as we should, but only after a long time has passed, do we realize that we learned a lesson from it. Everybody is unanimously agreeing that if it was possible to learn the lessons of life without making the mistakes and causing hurt, we'd all do it in a heartbeat, but that's what we have to realize; in terms of exams, that we cannot get the result of an exam without having given it, whether we prepared for it or not and whether we did a good job or not. As ignorant and heartless this might sound to people who are a bit too reliant on emotional reactions as their go-to move for understanding things, deep down, this is a seemingly logical/methodical take on something that can have a lasting psychological impact on us.

- We humans are so hungry for control, but at the same time, we're also so scared of being judged for wanting control that we try to hide this desperation of ours that we need control because we feel that we deserve to have control over everything since in our heads, we're the ones who knows what's best for everybody in this universe, y'know? Also, the moment we have control, we know nobody can touch us, harm us our trouble us and that we can do whatever we want, to them, without being questioned about our actions, and that's precisely what we're made to think about having power:

Full Control. Zero need for accountability.

Accepted???

I, like so many people out there who potentially have everything sorted out in life, and are looking for a new problem to solve, delved into the world of questions needlessly, thinking that maybe if I created and then answered those questions, I'll find salvation.

That worked out well!

Anyhoo,

So, just like so many out there who are trying to figure themselves out, I too am one of those, despite coming across as self-aware.

Now, what usually happens when we try to figure ourselves out, is that we think of everything as a do-or-die situation; so if we fail to meet certain expectations we have from ourselves, we're already a big fuckin' failure! Is there a need for such polarity? Not really, but then again, immediately jumping to conclusions is what makes us humans, I mean, huge & fragile egos, am I right?

I looked around to see what I could get inspired by or what I could hold onto in the search of 'Maybe this can help me figure out who I am' and boy how I failed here. I constantly looked up at people I desired to be with, the things I desired to have & use, the things I desired to talk about, the places I desired to be at & enjoy their life. All in all, a kid who looked at people who (sometimes, showed as if they) had more than what he did, and I thought I'd never get to be that cool or that these people would never accept me because I don't do/have the kind of things they do. I was (and still am) wrong, but the self-fulfilling prophecy that is this insecurity and comparison, it got to me and how bad. 

To this day, I still look at these same people and still wonder if today I approached them, after all that I have achieved, will I be accepted in their group? Will they call me one of their own if they saw that I too had what it required to be a part of their group? 

Maybe it's for the best that I go (and have gone) my separate way because the way they ended up in the future (as I found out with my reality check), things were just as bad for them as they were for me, it's just that they were too concerned of their image and never got to develop the meaningful connections I did and I was happy to know that despite not being the cool kid or the impressive kid, I still managed to make a good deal out of my life. 

Yet, I still wonder at times, could it be possible for them to be jealous of me for the same reasons that I was/am jealous of them?

Human exchanges, I guess...

(if you cannot handle, understand and appreciate sarcasm, this post isn't for you)

- Your behaviour always has to be modified based on my mood without me having to tell you what I'm feeling like because I'll take your lack of awareness and you not knowing as a personal insult and I will make sure you regret your existence for having missed out impressing me this time

- You have to be transparent with me because it is not okay to hide anything from others, but please don't cry when you find out that I've hidden things from you, because if you aren't already aware, then let me tell you that this is how being an adult works in the real life

- I will express my love as and when I feel like, but you have to love me (or better yet, worship me) regardless (since I might be your backup in all cases until who knows how long) because that's what good people do! I can choose to love you or not love you when I want, but you're not supposed to have that right or choice

- You must deal with the problems that adults have, but you still have no rights whatsoever (You have to do the things that you aren't supposed to be doing alone to prove that you're all grown up, but don't you dare think that doing these things is going to earn you the freedom to be independent because I will still expect you to play by my rules even though there is no need for anyone else but me to do that)

- Of course I will cheer you up as and when I feel it's important and appropriate to, but what you have to realize is that the world population is soaring high every single day, so despite everything, please remember that you have to put your best foot forward, without the guarantee of knowing where you stand, and not to forget that you're competing with thousands of other people

- Yes, I want you to trust me enough to think and believe (I am) and I can be, your safe space to share everything you want to let out, but don't be surprised if I start to make fun of those things because that is the unsaid part of the deal where being a safe space earns me the right to make fun of you with you having no right to oppose me for having made fun of you. Don't you dare say you're offended, because I expect and command you to not get offended unless and until I tell you that it's appropriate for you to get offended

- Remember: Your success is our success, but your failure is your failure

- I get to decide on behalf of both us whether or not you should be anywhere near us for too long, but don't forget the part where you still have to be at our beck and call

- Do other people a favour without them asking, and then you act as if you're god-sent for having helped them and make sure that they know: It is rude to decline the favour/help, but also, it is equally horrible if you're not showing your gratitude to them for helping; doesn't matter whether you asked for it or not

Hypocrite, until asked...

The world’s biggest religion is capitalism:
money is our god, greed is our priest,
banks are our temples,
and shopping is how we express our worship.

The world’s biggest cartel is politics:
democracy is our god, elections are our priest,
voting booths are our temples,
and ballots are how we express our worship.

The world’s biggest idol is stardom:
celebrities are our gods, fame is our priest,
tabloids are our temples,
and applause is how we express our worship.

The world’s biggest faith is hedonism:
sex is our god, lust is our priest,
brothels are our temples,
and fornication is how we express our worship.”

― Matshona Dhliwayo

To be growing up in a world where opinions are treated as facts, no wonder why corruption prevails. I mean, think about it, if we didn’t get angry at people for being selfish, for being greedy and for expressing a lot of our other natural ‘animal-like’ instinctive emotions, wouldn’t we be better off? In the time of everybody turning into self-righteous dimwits only to bring other people down because ‘they were being distasteful’, then we have to ask ourselves the question about changing the quote from “Hate the game; not the player” to “Hate the player; not the game” and, rightly so.

Nobody is completely innocent or wicked, it’s all about balancing the act. But, the problem begins when people act selfish themselves and want other people to be selfless because “I don’t have a lot, but this X person surely does” seems like a legit move, am I right? This has got us turning our backs to our own people, questioning everything and everybody for god knows what reason. If it was limited to that it’d still have been decent, but it has escalated to an annoying point of self-righteousness wherein people want to experience and rather hoard onto everything because “I deserve it” and want other people to pay in some way or the other because “By their looks, you think they know how to use these things properly?”

We want the middle grounds to exist… but only for us, the rest of the world can be black and white so that we can label everybody and everything into separate extreme sections, while we get to have nuances because why TF not, right?

Twisted?

Having someone by you is just a fear of being alone in social situations and the fact that these morons have connected their partners with their self esteem, because then you're saying that not having a partner means the person doesn't have a good self esteem. That's just a preposterous comparison! If you feel worthy and amazing only if you have someone by your side, you really need to think about what gives you confidence and what actually should be giving you the required confidence.

A soulmate is the escapist fantasy of the insecure who need a person 24×7 for their validation. A person who they know is dependent on them because the feeling that they have control over the happiness and peace of someone else's life is oh so pleasing but because of how devilish it sounds due to its selfish nature and incorrectness, it has been romanticized into the ideation that someone somewhere out there is meant to be with you for the rest of both of your lives and is the key to all your locks (which is the farthest from the truth and the true capabilities & power of the universe and the creator of it)

This is a deep-rooted power focused fantasy of wanting an owner statured person to be your servant, because the world should know that they hold no power whatsoever in front of their partners because we're rarely ever happy with who the person is unless they're able to serve us...

Living a lie

"We buy things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people we don't like." - Fight Club

Let us stop pretending that we know what's going on, alright?

I mean, I get it that 'knowing' or 'making it seem that you know' is the real deal and that you impress a lot of people by saying that you know what is going on in your life and that you know where your life is going, but we really don't have a clue about it, do we? To a certain extent, yes, but after that, we're just using our imagination and creating scenes that we like, where we're the hero that saves the day for a lot of people.

What a load of bullshit that is!

Truth be told, we're all just sailing through life, making choices at every turn, just secretly hoping that the choices we made do not end in us getting our asses kicked and we'll be fine. There are choices to be made at every waking second and our life is just a pile of choice of choice that has resulted in who we are right now.

Feel existential yet? (Whatever you think your answer is, is again, your choice)

It is uncool, y'know to say things like:

"I don't know" because "How could you not know this? A baby would know this!"

"I am wrong" because "Well, aren't you always?"

"I am sorry" because "That does not undo this shit now, does it?"


I'm here to tell every one of you who's reading this:
No one has ever died by admitting their ignorance of something. 

Quit holding onto an idea of something just because you think you'll have to stick with one single opinion/thought/ideation forever or else people will start calling you a traitor who can't decide what they agree with... Stop living in the binary world where not siding with one thing automatically means siding with the other... The 'Gray' area is not understandable for everybody, get it?

Don't we all just want to impress everybody out there and shut everyone's mouths. Don't we all wish to be the 'perfect' humans who have got everything covered? 

Why do I think that you'll agree with what's written above for some time and then go back to what you were doing previously?

Oh well!